tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7549781992453163318.post3844379452249833156..comments2023-10-30T22:59:48.708+08:00Comments on bhairo in the morning: Ghazal on the Inner HarborDavid Raphael Israelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00126018040511456588noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7549781992453163318.post-71601896319028845772007-09-16T18:13:00.000+08:002007-09-16T18:13:00.000+08:00Grazie wiz!Good critique -- I've now tweaked the s...Grazie wiz!<BR/><BR/>Good critique -- I've now tweaked the symbolist couplet (altering phrasing to give a different heft). Originally was "the wedding is illustrative / as symbolist..." -- and I think perhaps the problem was more with "is illustrative as" than with symbolist. :-) Comparing, concur?<BR/><BR/>cheers, d.i.David Raphael Israelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00126018040511456588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7549781992453163318.post-41839173632590688042007-09-16T17:57:00.000+08:002007-09-16T17:57:00.000+08:00lovely. I like the tone very much, that pent up fe...lovely. I like the tone very much, that pent up feel-- im not so sure about "symbolist" though. Somehow the word grates slightly... we can play word jumble with it, or maybe I just need to nap now :)<BR/><BR/>works very well. "my hope persists for what you know" <BR/><BR/>:)The Wizard of Oddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16979664336356974842noreply@blogger.com